Old Hoes. Half Truths
Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash
Now that I’ve baited you in with the title, let’s get into it.
Today I want to talk with my girls about the lack in older women keeping it real with the younger generations of women. I turned 40 on November 4th—and while I do not consider myself to be old, I’ve had more than enough life experience in my dysfunction— through healing—and on the other side of healing where life gets a whole lot better and brighter. I have a lot of wisdom, knowledge and lessons to share. However..
Little Rachel learned quickly, adults and children do not mix.
As a child it was a clear line. Adults on one side, children on the other. Children did not belong in grown ups business—and while I do agree—what if we were already in the business, because the business was playing out right in our faces. Yea, we weren’t allowed a seat at the table, but we didn’t need it, because the show was front and center. While we didn’t need to know the “business”, we did need to know how to be about our business. Even if that meant sharing a growing pain, a story where the wrong decision was made and the consequences that followed, you know, a little vulnerability. I was born in the 80s, grew up in the 90s, and those lips were tight, hunny. It definitely gave, “see us, but you can’t know us” and the infamous “do as I say, not as I do”. As if I can’t see what you are doing, and understandably, equating your actions to who you are. So, that is who I became or tried hard not to.
I needed a woman.
Photo by Ben Masora on Unsplash
I remember holding a strong and very deep desire for a woman to come in and nurture me. I needed a woman to show me the ropes of life. I needed a woman to give me wisdom and knowledge on being a woman and navigating life in a way that would position me to win. I needed a woman to teach me about respecting myself, valuing myself, creating standards for myself and the importance of honoring me. I needed to meet this woman. I wanted to see her, smell her, hear the power in her voice, and watch the assertiveness in her demeanor. Sadly, we never met. If we did, it was in passing. For a short moment, and in a more professional setting. Actually, allow me to be honest. I remember envisioning meeting such a woman. I envisioned asking her to take me under her wing. That is when I would get stuck. Stuck in what I now know as a trauma response. Freeze. I was frozen. As much as I needed her to come into my life and train me up, I was afraid of being rejected by a woman again. The mother wound runs deep.
Fast forward.
I’ve had countless conversations with teens and women in their early 20s who are lost. They are in need of a woman who can guide them, love and nurture them, tell them what to do in this world. They shed tears, are armored and angry, lost and confused. They keep going in circles. Each time being met with a revolving door that displays what they believe is their truth—they aren’t worthy. These young women need women who will teach them the way and show them with how they are living. That isn’t easy to find, because they meet women who act the same as them. Man, some of the things told to them by grown women blows my mind. Then, I remind myself, a woman can be grown in age and stunted emotionally and cognitively. Her development arrested long ago. This is what so many young girls have to look up to. Whether through social media or in day to day life. There are countless women who haven’t taken accountability and action on their own evolution and healing. They are living from their wounds. Continuously producing from their pain. So, how can they help the next generation?
Women let’s do better.
I will be honest, I am saddened with the number of grown women who need to heal, yet do not hold themselves accountable in doing so. It saddens me, because we are the women, girls, and young women look to. Even if they do not listen to what we tell them, they see us. This is why I am not a fan of the whole “do as I say not as I do”. We are far more likely to replicate the actions of a person, before doing what they tells us to do. Behaviors are repetitive. They are rooted in habit. We all have behavior patterns, ways of being, a set of personality traits. That is what people see from us daily. Homegirl, what are you exhibiting and projecting in your day to day? Are you aware of yourself? Are you doing introspection and seeking out ways to change followed by a plan of action and action steps? Are you producing from your pain, deepening your wounds, living a passive life where your inner child makes the rules?
Call to action.
Ladies, this is a call to action. I am calling on you to be serious and relentless in your pursuit of healing you. Heal for little you who needed protection. Heal so your inner child is no longer able to make decisions for your life from past pain that has yet to be addressed. Heal so the healed woman can go back, get that little girl, and lead the way. Heal so the generations under you have an example on what healing, evolving and leading a healthy life looks like. Heal because you deserve to be set free from stories that are keeping you intertwined in chaos, poor decisions, unhealthy relationships and scarcity.
In western culture, we have adopted an “I” before “we” mentality. We don’t do the village or community although it is so desperately needed. I would be remiss if I was not honest about my innate calling to be a leader. Leading a community of women and children to their higher selves. I know I am not here to merely exist. I know the young women that are coming in after me are looking. I know many of them are in need of guidance. I will continue to do my part.
Until next time,
Rachel K
