Nine Tips From a Woman in Her Last Year of Her 30's

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Hey, Ladies!

In November, I turned 39. I want to leave you with some wisdom I have picked up along my 39 years of living. A lot of these tips, I needed before healing and maturing. So, I want to share what I have learned throughout my seasons of life. My highs and lows. My ebbs and flows. I hope you find them helpful. Without any further ado, let’s get into it.

Choose you

As woman we are taught to take care of others. Be there for others. Prioritize others. Often this turns into taking on and carrying other burdens. Putting ourselves last, if placing ourselves at all. One thing I have learned since healing—living my life for others comfort, had made me extremely uncomfortable. We are taught to be selfless, not selfish. Well, how about we meet in the middle? You know, in between giving of myself, and not giving anything. How about we assess whether we even need to involve ourselves. How about we check with ourselves and see what we need before giving to another. How about choosing you for a change. At the end of your life, when you look back, you will not be disappointed in making decisions that were for your good. 

Heal any issues you have in your relationship with money.

Ladies, your relationships go beyond the ones you have with other people. We have relationships with a variety of people, places, and things. One of those is our relationship with money. Ask yourself these questions? Do I value money? What value do I give to money? Does money control me? If so, when do I find myself being controlled by money? How do I manage my money (give examples)? Do I chase opportunities to gain money? Do I treat my money well? What do I do to treat my money well? If I don’t treat my money well, how do I treat it (give examples)? What did I learn about money as a child and adolescent?  (From seeing to hearing about money, what did you learn?) Do I fear not having enough money? Do I truly believe I’ll always have the money I need?  These are a few questions to get you started. An unhealthy relationship with money will wreak havoc over your life. It will rob you of your time, energy, mental and emotional wellness. It will have you always working, and still not having enough. How is your relationship with money? 

Release friends that you have outgrown.

I remember being in my teens and early twenties, hearing women who were older discuss losing friends being a normal part of life. I couldn’t fathom that. Lose my friends? My friend circle had been my friend circle forever. Well, as a 39-year-old woman, my perspective on that has changed. We may outgrow friendships. Outgrowing friendships does not have to be a negative or bad thing. It’s a part of life. I’ve outgrown the woman I was before I started healing. I am not the same woman as I was before I set out on my healing journey five years ago. Why would it be any different with me outgrowing others? I had to release the woman I was, to walk into this season of my life. I’ve had to let go of friends as well. You’ll know when you’ve outgrown friends. You will feel it. Your spirit will make it known to you. Your intuition will make it clear to you. The signs and signals will be made available to you. This doesn’t mean they have to become your enemy. Allow yourself to release the unhelpful narratives so you can healthily release the relationships. Trust me when I tell you, if you are open to new friendships, they will appear. Wait, work on you, and receive when it is time.

Dress for the woman you want to be seen as.

Ladies, you already know when you put it on, you feel like that girl. You feel like that grown woman. You feel like you did right by you. Make it a habit to dress as the woman you want to be seen as. If you are out and you saw you, how would you perceive your look? Get creative. Express yourself. Find your own style. Allow yourself some trial and error as your style continuously evolves. Be mindful not to get caught up in trends. Dip into trends when you like what’s trending, without becoming a puppet to them. When you shop for clothing, always ask yourself “Is this me? Or is this what I’ve seen, and I am trying to make it for me?” I say this, because, we are flooded with others looks, opinions and preferences, when it comes to style and fashion. When it’s you, you’ll know. When you put it on, it will speak to you. You’ll feel confident about your choice. How do you want to be seen?

Focus on you instead of focusing on finding a man.

Wanting a relationship with a man, wanting companionship, wanting to settle down is normal. Focusing on it, making it the bane of your existence is unhealthy and detrimental to your overall wellness. Ladies, what is your physical wellness like? What is your mental health like? Your emotional wellness? Your finances? What about your spirit? Spiritually how are you? What are your hobbies? Do you do work that you love? Is it in alignment with your heart? What is your relationship with your children like? How is your home? What’s the aura and energy of it? How is the relationship with yourself? What are your friendships giving? Do you spend time with your girls? There are so many areas of your life you can nurture and continuously grow. Allow a man to find you focused on nurturing you. Instead of searching for a man to complete you. Reminder: You are whole, love. Maybe you have been broken. That does not mean you are incomplete. Focus on nurturing you back to good health. Men aren’t going anywhere.

Challenge yourself to do what you fear.

Fear will keep you bound to the narratives and emotions you assign to it. Fear will leave you stagnant. An onlooker as others move forward. Ask yourself these questions: How was this fear created? What stories am I telling myself? What emotions do I feel? Logically, do I have anything to fear, or have I allowed my thoughts and emotions to take the wheel? How is this fear holding me back? What can I lose if I move forward? Ladies, you will undoubtedly have things you fear in life. Challenge your fears. Challenge your perspective and thoughts around this fear. It is hard to fully experience life when you cage yourself in. Are you trying to look back over your life, wishing you would have had the courage to move forward?

Learn the difference between fear and your intuition.

Ladies, this one is a game changer. First, a woman will need to be in tune with herself to get the fullness of what her intuition offers. Often, we get our intuition confused with fear, other negative emotions, or our thoughts. Your intuition is very subtle, it’s a soft pull, it’s a calming feeling guiding you in a certain direction. Fear is rigid, intense, laden with unhelpful thoughts and narratives that often are rooted in the past or future. It is rarely about the present.

Example: Intuition-You are sitting in your home, and you feel guided to look out your window and check on your car. You look out your window and see you left your windows down and it is raining heavily. Your intuition guided you to your window, so you could see and protect your car and yourself.

Fear- You are sitting in your home; you know it is supposed to rain. You start to think about the time it rained, and you left your window down. You start to feel anxious. You start creating a narrative surrounded around having to get items in your car fixed due to what the rain caused. You become paralyzed with thoughts and negative emotions about an experience from your past. You make it to your window and see all your car windows are closed. Your fear took you to the past. You were not in the present. You knew rain was coming and you became afraid based off a past experience.

You’ll know when you’ve found your people and/or your person because of how you feel.

I know the world would like you to judge a person based on their height, weight, the way they look and dress, where they live, etc. It’s less about a look and more about a feel. Always judge a person based off their mind, their character, their behaviors, their actions, their words, patterns, and their soul. You’ll have to be in your body to get this one right. When you’re in your body, you’re connected to your heart, your intuition, your senses, your spirit. When you’re in your head you become hyper vigilant, in fear, shuffling through past experiences, trying to plan for the future. This leaves you oblivious to what you feel. When you’re in your head, there’s a bunch of thoughts. Often, they aren’t positive or indicative of what is currently happening. In your head you create a narrative that doesn’t match reality. In your body you can feel out what is happening. This way you can collect your experiences and process them later. No processing in the present. You need to be present to analyze and gather what is needed to process later.

Standards are necessary. 

Ladies, your standards are your gate. You are your gatekeeper. What policies and procedures must one adhere to, to have access to you? If you are out here without any standards, you are on a mission to self-detriment. Being in this world without any standards is like going on a road trip without any planning and preparation. You have no directions. You don’t know where you are going. You will have to stop and ask for help. This leaves you open to anything. Before you go out on your journey, get yourself some standards. Make sure they align with YOU. Not your friends, your mom, men, or any other person. Who are you? What do you believe? What do you need? Also, standards aren’t only for how other operate with you. They are also a guide on how you operate yourself. Create some standards as a guide for how you operate. Create some standards as a guide for how others operate with you. This world can be very tricky. Your standards help to keep you in check.

Ladies, I could go on for days, but I will leave you with this: In everything you do, do what is best for you.