Flights Not Feelings

Your emotions are taking you places, and the destinations aren’t always desirable. Without any further ado, let’s get into it.

Homegirl, you have emotions. Your emotions are energy. They vibrate and travel through you. They come. They go. Sometimes they go high. Other times they go low. There may be times they go high and low simultaneously. You are a conduit for your emotions. You can use your emotions to create your reality. Your emotions signal to you how you are feeling. You are not your emotions. However, your emotions can make a lot of decisions for you when you aren’t aware and in control.

My Story

The month was January. The year was 2019. I walked into my then therapist’s office, determined to figure out why there were so many highs and lows in my current romantic relationship. I had spoken to my then boyfriend about the need for us to go to therapy, or else, we would not be able to survive our relationship. (Feeling the need to survive within a relationship is a key indicator that there is an unhealthy emotional connection, sis.) If only I knew then what I know now. (Chile, forgiveness for what I didn’t know and as a result, imposed on myself, has been so vital in my healing.) Ok, girl, let me get back to the story. I remember walking into my therapist's office thinking I was going to work on us. Little did I know the real work needed to be done on me. This was my journey. Sis, my brain was scrambled eggs. I was dysfunctional. And at the root of all my calamity was emotional chaos. Ironically, I always “felt a way” while telling myself I didn’t care at all.

That was my issue. I was not in tune with me. I didn’t tune into me. I didn’t know how I felt, so I didn’t know what I needed.

Fast-forward, I manage my emotions extremely well. I’m in control of myself. I can articulate the emotions I am feeling. I can pinpoint through processing why I feel the way I do. I express my emotions to others, so they are aware and given space to meet my needs. I make room for others emotions without feeling icky, because “eww, I don’t do emotions”. I am able to support others emotionally without taking on their emotions. (This is extremely important as a therapist). I am not reactive when I experience emotions. I no longer catch flights instead of feelings. I want all the feels. They tell me what I need to know about myself. They remind me I am human. They don’t define me. They tell me what I need to know about myself. I had no idea how my emotions were at the root of so many of my behaviors, addictions, desires, sabotaging ways, my stuff. Healing my relationship with my emotions has not been easy. However, it has provided me a lot of peace, clarity, harmony and balance.

Often, I have to point out to my clients that, at the root of their stuff, their emotions are running their life. When we move off of a feeling, without knowing how we feel or why we feel the way we do, we are taken wherever our feelings lead us.

I’ll leave you with some tips on having a healthier relationship with your emotions, ultimately gaining control of your life:

Remind yourself that your emotions are information. They are telling you what you need to know about yourself. They are not defining who you are. Example: You can experience a bitter emotion. That doesn’t mean you are a bitter woman.
Don’t run from your emotions. Sit with your emotions. Feel them out. Take deep breaths if necessary. Some emotions wash over us like a tidal wave. Some of us are sensitive to our emotions.
While sitting with your emotion, allowing it to flow through you, take inventory of where you are feeling your emotion. Do you feel it in your gut, your shoulder, your limbs, your chest?
Your emotions will come and go like the waves of the sea. You do not need to hold onto them. Deep breaths while you allow your emotion to come and flow through you, as many times as it needs to. Ground yourself so you do not react impulsively to what you are feeling.
Name your emotions. I utilize an emotional wheel. There are countless emotions. I do not remember them all. Typically, we will go to the usual “good, bad, okay, mad, happy, feel a way, etc.”, (feeling a way, is not an emotion, sis). You need to be able to name your emotions. How would you feel if you were in a relationship with someone, and they never took the time to get to know your name? Here is the emotional wheel I use.

You can copy this image and download it to your phone. I keep mine in my notes. Throughout the day, I use the wheel to identify how I am feeling at the moment. Even if there isn’t anything happening to me. This is one way I stay in tune with myself.

Lastly, pay attention to when you react to your emotions. Do this without shaming yourself. Remember, in order to meet your needs, you need to know yourself. This is inventory and assessment. No need for name-calling. Example: You start to experience loneliness (emotions), you have a sensation in the pit of your stomach (feeling). You call your ex to see how he is doing. You find yourself in the midst of a conversation asking him to come over and have sex with you. No need to judge, you need to learn that you react to loneliness by filling the void with something or someone. Now that you know this, you can use the aforementioned tips to sit with your emotions, ground yourself, allow them to flow through you, recognize where you are feeling them, investigate why loneliness is present, and meet your needs without using an unhealthy coping mechanism to fill the void.

That’s all for today, homegirls. I am working on an e-guide on emotional healing. Stay tuned.

Until next time🤍

Signed,

Rachel K (Your homegirl in healing)

Bye, Girl.

Step Your Cookies Up