Step Your Cookies Up
Photo by jurien huggins on Unsplash
Hey, homegirl
It’s time for you to step your cookies up, and your girl is here to help you do just that. When I speak about your cookies, I’m referring to your standards. It’s time to raise your standards, so you can continue to rise in life. Without any further ado, yall already know how it goes, let’s get into it.
Your standards are comprised of the intentions you set for yourself and your daily actions to meet them. You can gather information on a person by paying attention to the standards they set for themselves and how they live by them. Today I want to talk to you about three different women and their standards.
Let’s get into this, girl.
Tanya- Tanya wants to have healthier skin and a healthier relationship with how she cares for her skin. Tanya starts researching estheticians, prices for skincare treatments and saving money, so she can start her skincare journey. She researches the different foods and drinks she consumes, making the decision to consume healthier options, to aid in her overall wellness, which will have an impact on her skin. Tanya creates a plan to cut back on her alcohol consumption, though she loves ending her day winding down with a glass of wine. Tanya is raising her standards. She is making the conscious decision to live differently. Tanya starts her skincare treatments, adopts a skincare routine given to her by a licensed esthetician and over the next three months sees major improvement with her skin, diet and overall health. Tanya knew what she wanted. She made a plan. She researched, changed her ways and challenged herself. As a result her life has improved. Her skin is glowing. Her aura is bright. Tanya stepped her cookies up. She’s risen her standards and changed her life.
Sienna- Sienna works a job she dreads going to every Monday. Monday through Friday, Sienna clocks in and is drained by the mundane task that do not fulfill her. Sienna has wanted to be a teacher since she was a child. At the age of 36, Sienna tells herself that dream will never be a reality. Sienna tells herself she is too old to go back to school, she doesn’t feel like doing the needed work to obtain her degree and she will not have the money. Sienna’s negative thoughts have aided in her unfulfilling life. Daily, Sienna has an inner feeling pulling her towards going back to school. She has visions of her teaching in a class of kindergartners. In her visions she is happy. She plays with children, teaches them letters, numbers and colors. She talks with parents about their children. She is also an author of several books, where she guides parents on homeschooling children between the ages of 2-6. Sienna’s visions are very specific. Sienna asks God to guide her; however, does not submit to the directions being given to her. Sienna’s negative thoughts and unhealthy relationship with herself are leading her. Fast forward, seven years later, Sienna is still clocking in and out, Monday-Friday, being drained at a new job she’s started. Same thoughts and feelings, different environment. Sienna did not challenge herself. She did not hold herself accountable. She did not create a plan. She did not follow Gods guidance or her intuition. She could have brought her visions to life, but she did not step her cookies up. She failed to raise her standards. She is living the life she created.
Tisha- Tisha desires marriage. She’s tired of sex with no fulfilling destination. She is ready to have a stable, healthy and safe partnership. She’s over the on and off, up and down, highs and lows of the situationships and relationships she has experienced. She’s exhausted with her decision making. She wants to get it right. However, she doesn’t know where to start. Each time she tries, she ends up with similar experiences just a different man. She’s fed up. She’s had enough. One day, as she’s lying in her bed, she wonders what it would feel like to be honored, protected, respected, cared for, covered and loved by a man. A man who provides a safe space for her. It was then she received the idea to start therapy. Tisha knows she cannot figure out why she keeps going through a revolving door of conversations, dates and sex that lead her back to an empty feeling, so she looks for help. Tisha searches on Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist, for a therapist (homegirl, please utilize this resource if you know you need it and you’re ready to step your cookies up). Tisha also starts the mental preparation of positive self talk as it relates to opening up in therapy. This is new for her. She’s nervous. However, she’s also tired of her seemingly endless cycle of sabotage. Fast forward, the girl has been working. It’s been six months since Tisha started her weekly therapy sessions. She’s realized her dating choices are complements of her anxious attachment style. She’s learned her anxious attachment style stems from her childhood. As a child, she had an on and off relationship with her dad, and watched her mother anxiously chase man after man in a quest for her happily ever after. Tisha now understands it is her responsibility to do the internal work to heal mentally, emotionally and spiritually. She’s put men on pause while she’s making her relationship with herself a priority. She’s abstaining from sex, practicing mindfulness and self awareness. She is working on releasing the shame and guilt she carries from her destructive decisions, as she forges the path of forgiving herself, her mom and her dad. Tisha now understands that releasing what she has been holding onto will free her from the narrative that has been running her life. Y’all, Tisha is in her power! Ok! The girl is healing. She’s changing. Her relationship with herself is improving. She stepped her cookies up. She’s risen her standards.
Homegirl, I gave you three scenarios. In two of the scenarios, each woman did what was needed to raise her standards for herself. In one of the scenarios, she did not step her cookies up. Her standards remained low and her life reflected that back to her. We always hear about having standards for others in our lives. What about the standards you have for you? How do you hold yourself accountable? What values do you have and are you living by them? Do you wake up each day, allowing your life to just happen? Are you a perpetual victim of your circumstances or are you changing your narrative so you can change your reality? Those are some questions to reflect on and answer.
The therapist in me wants to leave you with some resources. As stated in the blog, if you need therapy, please do yourself a real big one and start your journey.
Therapy referrals
- Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist
Read about attachment styles
I read this book in 2019 during my first year of therapy. It’s very informative.
Well, girls, how do you plan to step your cookies up? In what areas of your life would you like to see consistency, accountability, challenge, grace and growth? You have the power. Use it to create the life you want.
Until next time
Signed,
Rachel K (Your homegirl in healing)
