I’ve Mastered It-So Can You

Hey, homegirls

Wow. Just, wow. I am in awe at my life currently. I am so grateful. I am extremely blessed. I am in my power. I have so much peace. I am resting like never before. I paid a heavy price to be able to live like this. I did the internal work. Last week, my therapist with a smile on her face stated, “I see great things on the horizon for you. You’ve done the work. You have released a lot and it wasn’t easy for you.” Yes, homegirls, it was not easy, but it was worth it. Would I do it again? Emphatically, I would. Thankfully, I don’t have to. Girl, it was tough. I’m good on signing up to go back through the unraveling, the learning to release and surrender, the therapy sessions that shook me to my core because of the realizations, the releasing people I just knew I would do life with, leaving environments that were all I knew, the opening myself up to a new life, a new way of being, a new me, a rebirth.

If you read my last blog and weekly healing reminder, you know I’ve definitely mastered it academically. Your girl is a masters degree recipient. (Well, sort of. I am waiting on my official degree to come in the mail.) However, in this blog, we will have girl talk on how I’ve mastered different areas of my life since the inception of my healing journey in Jan 2019. Wow, it’s been 5 and half years since I started therapy, got real with myself and started doing the deep, deep work. I am truly grateful I did not give up on me. The reason I am able to live a life that is beautiful, peaceful, blessed and powerful, while resting like never before, is due to my journey of self mastery and mastering my life. Now, let’s be clear, life’s storms still come my way. I‘ve just been released from not only grad school, but an arduous, tumultuous, painful and consistently traumatizing situation that I had no control over. (No, it was not a romantic relationship). I had to control myself in order to not lose myself or my life. I now know stress truly holds the power to take us out. I learned first hand as I felt so close to death and not wanting to be alive anymore. One day I’ll write a blog on grounding yourself in the midst of life’s stress and storms. For now, without any further ado, I am ready to drop some gems for my girls.

Four Things I’ve Mastered During My Journey of Healing

#1Minding My Business- Girls, I’ve long heard people speaking about minding your business. I have even said a time or twenty to others, “mind your business”. However, the type of minding my business that has aided in me living a thriving life is totally different. Minding my business took me down a road of revelations, realizations, dysfunction, unhealthy thought patterns, mindsets, behaviors and relationships that were unfulfilling. I started minding my business by going to therapy, nurturing a relationship with the God in me and seeking healthy and healing content to digest. I started to practice self awareness and wow— there was so much about myself that I was not aware of. I was made aware of repetitive unhealthy cycles, I was subconsciously and unconsciously giving my time, energy and life to. Minding my business guided me to my people pleasing, codependency and dysregulated nervous system. If I hadn’t minded my business, I would not be talking to you now. God gave me the vision for Heal Thy Homegirl. I wouldn’t have been able to receive, plant the seeds for or birth Heal Thy Homegirl. I would not have been on the path to becoming a woman in her purpose. Thankfully, I started minding my business and making me a priority. Now, life is up. Homegirl, think about your yourself. Your life in it’s entirety. Are you thriving on a whole level? Not just money. Not just a man. I am speaking about your whole life, mentally, spiritually, financially, physically, emotionally. How are you doing? Sis, your life is your business. When you mind your business and give your business what it needs, it thrives.

Reflection: Homegirl, how often do you find yourself thinking on or having discourse on someone else’s life and what they need to change? How often do you put that energy into yourself? When your mind goes elsewhere (and it will) redirect yourself back to you. You have this lifetime to get your life right. Use your time here wisely.

#2 Emotional Healing- Now, girl. This is the one. It was made evident to me by my former therapist that I was struggling with vulnerability and taking my mask off. I was evasive. I was in and out of hiding. I was quick to deflect if the conversation was becoming too personal in my direction. There were times my emotions would drive me into my head, causing me to become anxious. Or, like a light switch, I would cut my emotions off, compartmentalize, whatever I needed to do for “safety”. It was easier for me to be emotionally manipulated, because I did not understand my emotions. I did not understand what my emotions were telling me. I was not allowing myself to fully connect to my emotions without judgement, shame or guilt. As my healing journey progressed, I started slowly allowing myself to feel. Heavy on the slow, sis. Girl, it was a lot. Meeting my emotions was interesting. Calling them by their name allowed me to normalize and feel comfortable with them. I had to release shaming my emotions and defining myself based off how I was feeling. I remember having the belief that feeling and/or expressing certain emotions openly made me weak. Well guess what, trying not be “weak” kept me putting up a strong front. That strong front was a major ingredient that led to my hard life. Now, I have a healthier relationship with my emotions. I am able to identify (or use my emotional wheel) to identify how I am feeling. I notice when I may be keeping myself from fully experiencing an emotion. I remind myself, I am not my emotions, I feel them. I do not make others responsible for my emotions. Girl, I can write a whole blog on emotional healing. I wish all the girlies would heal emotionally. On your journey of emotional healing you will realize it is a front runner in living a softer life.

Reflection:Homegirl, describe your relationship with your emotions. Are you guarded, vulnerable, somewhere in the middle? What do emotions mean for you? What is your history with your emotions?

#3 Self Acceptance- We can go ahead and file this up there with self love. In order to accept myself as I am, I need to love myself and vice versa. One of the many self acceptance issues I have dealt with is body image. I have struggled with body dysmorphia, eating disorders, intense and at times unhealthy weight loss measures, extreme negative self talk and looking in the mirror only to pick myself apart and beat me down. Homegirl, it was not until I went on my journey of healing aka minding my business, that I realized how detrimental my self resistance was. It was bad. It led me to binge eating, overeating, undereating and starving myself. Anything to get to a place where I would accept my body. Chile, the gag is, in order to accept my body, I needed to stop resisting my body. Whoooo, that’s a word! I was in a cyclical pattern of self saboatge, self hate and self degradation. Why would I want to accept myself if I treated myself in those ways? Well, fast forward, I have arrived. It’s weird at times, I’ll admit. Remember that storm I spoke about earlier? The one that almost took me out of this life? I gained twenty-nine pounds during that chaos. Girl, stress was doing it’s big one with me. The even crazier part, the weight gain followed my weight lifting era. Girl, I had gotten right and tight. I hired a trainer. I was working on my whole body image issue through healing. Then, boom! Life turned it up to boiler temps and that weight started coming for me like I stole something. Imagine how hard it was to see my body change after all the physical work I had put in. Thankfully, I was also in the midst of the mental, spiritual, and emotional work to repair my relationship with my body. That gave me leverage and insight on what I would need to navigate the sudden weight gain that would not stop. I made sure to ramp up the positive self talk. I would look in the mirror and notice the negative thoughts while not giving in or agreeing. I would instead reframe them. I had to buy new clothes that fit my current frame. I wanted so badly to be able to fit the clothes I had just gotten into, but that wasn’t the case anymore. I had to accept that my body image shifted and thanks to stress, I could not control how my body responded physically. Within the last month and half, I have lost about seven pounds. Girl, I am taking it slow, giving me grace and loving my body as it is, as it changes gradually. Before self acceptance, I would have forced myself to lose all the weight, quickly and unhealthily as soon as I was released from the stress.

Twenty-nine pounds later

Reflection: Homegirl, define your relationship with your body? Do you struggle to accept your whole self as you are? Remember, we can always change. However, we will need to accept and love ourselves as we are, or life will bring us right back until we do.

#4 Healthy Relationships- Girl, the people in my life are amazing. They are right on time. These relationships feel divine. It’s as if they are made just for me. That’s no shade to those I have loved and let go. I had to let go. Once I started minding my business, there were relationships that were made clear they were no longer for me. Those relationships were a result of the aforementioned things we discussed, such as people pleasing, trauma bonding, dysfunction, codependency, etc. They were a result of me living from my story instead of living from my authentic self. Well, girl, I didn’t know who I was. What do you expect? Those relationships brought me memories I will never forget. They brought laughter, enjoyment, pain, sadness, exploration, new experiences. There were surely good times and not so good times. However, these relationships right here, feel in alignment with the woman I am constantly growing into. They feed me. They meet my needs. They are safe. They are supportive. They are fulfilling. Thankfully, I did the work so I can open up and receive what is being given. First, I had to master my relationship with myself. Then, I was able to be closer, more intimate and open with those in my life. And I was able to accept the new people that were on my path, awaiting my arrival as I awaited there’s. I am excited for the depth I will experience in the relationships I will be gifted as I traverse my life’s path. There are times I am filled with gratitude and I thank God for each of my people. They all aided in their own way during my storm. They were necessary. I needed them.

Reflection: Homegirl, what do you need in your relationships? Are your relationships meeting your needs? Are you open and unguarded in your relationships? How do you meet the needs of those you are in a relationship with?

Well, that brings us to the end of this blog, homegirl. I will see you all next week where we will discuss “stepping your cookies up”.

Until next time.

Signed, 

Rachel K (Your homegirl in healing)