No More Poor Relationship Choices
One thing I’ve learned about dating and relationships, since healing, is choose who makes sense. Ladies, we tend to move off our emotions. How I feel about him. How I feel about how he looks. How much money he makes (failing to ensure he manages it well) and a bunch of other stuff that has nothing to do with the longterm goal. Feelings are fleeting. They come and go. Girls, y’all already know we can have butterflies for him at 2pm and daggers in our eyes for him by 545pm, once he makes the wrong move. Then, back to the butterflies. I’ve seen women confused over why some men choose the women they choose as wives. From the women’s perspective, the man could’ve done better. From my perspective, they did what made sense. She may not be an IG model; however, on paper, they align. Their values match. The program they are both on in their separate lives, when combined, meets the bottom line. If he wants children, he is choosing a woman who he believes after vetting her out, would be the type of mother he needs for his children. If he wants to build and grow with his wife, he’s choosing a woman who isn’t combative, argumentative, resistant to coming together and working cohesively as a unit. He is choosing a woman who makes sense for his longterm. Ladies, so should we.
How many times have you chose a man based off his potential? Have you ever chose a man you felt the need to build up in order to be the man you needed him to be? All the sweat, toiling and grooming just to end up worn out. Upset with him because he isn’t what you knew he wasn’t. More than likely not pointing out how you continue to make choices based off your feelings. “I’m really feeling him” “We vibe”. Ok, what else do y’all do that will solidify your future plans. Or, do you not have any? Do you know what you need in your man? Do you have goals you would like to reach with your man? Kids? A house? A business? Traveling? Do you have deal breakers? What are they? Where is the goal post? What is the bottom line? If you aren’t able to answer all of those questions, you may need to get off the dating path and take a minute to figure your destination out. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’re liable to end up anywhere. Like years and years of pulling on potential, only to be met with disappointment, a waste of your energy, time and resources.
Now, of course we aren’t dating men we aren’t physically attracted to. I wouldn’t even offer that solution. However, let’s get a plan. Let’s know where we are going and what we want. Let’s acknowledge how we feel, while not allowing our feelings to consume and control us. Yeah, y’all had a nice time together. He smelled delicious. He dressed nice. He paid for everything. He made you laugh. Almost laughed your panties off. He makes great money. However, he manages his finances like a 10 year old. Money just burning in his hand. He’s always spending without thinking first. You love that, because he always spends on you. That drew you in, and you will pay the price if you get into a commitment with him. Financial woes for the entirety of your relationship. What if you knew you needed a man who is financially astute, while also understanding the principles of financially literacy. You would pay attention to his spending habits while receiving, (we love to receive) vetting him out and deducing he ain’t the one for you. Ladies, let’s start making wise decisions when it comes to dating. A hard life is complimentary to poor decision making. Don’t spend the rest of your life making poor relationship decisions. If you really want to get to a softer life, you need to stop choosing a hard one. Surviving man after man that you choose. Next time ask yourself, how do we add up on paper? Does this make sense?
