Self-Love Is Yours. Do You Want It?
Hey, homegirls! It’s been a month since we last met. I took the month of August to mentally prepare for my last year of grad school. Yes, my last year. I am so excited! I am almost done! I started grad school in January 2020. At that time, I had been on my healing/self-love/spiritual journey for exactly a year. Yes, girl, we will go with all the names because that is what it was giving. I was healing. I was learning to love myself. I was getting my spirit together. Your girl has been working on herself. Since we are discussing self-love, let’s take a trip down memory lane, to what my self-love looked like in Jan 2020. Well, I didn’t know I would be ending a very unhealthy romantic relationship at the end of January. Was it because I loved me? Not necessarily. I hadn’t grown into a loving relationship with myself, yet. However, I was starting to embark on what would be a whole lot of love for me. That relationship was one of the many things I would be leaving behind. It would not align with the woman I was growing into. The woman I have become today. A woman who loves herself healthily, wholly, and deeply. At that time, I was practicing copious amounts of, shall I say, “self-hate.” I was talking to myself negatively. I had tons of negative thoughts. I lived in fear. I was battling an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. I had several unhealthy coping habits. I was holding onto friendships with women who did not give me what I needed in sisterhood. Homegirls, simply put, I was lacking love for me.
Fast forward to the very beautiful relationship I have with myself today. How did I get here? Well, I did a lot of what I like to call “soul surgery”. I really did a work in and on me. Below, I’ll give you four tips for your journey to your love of self.
Define what self-love means for you.
Homegirls, we are all different. We all need to be given and shown love in different ways. I will say, fundamentally, respect, honor, trust, gentleness, emapthy, are some of the traits of a loving relationship. However, what do you need? It may be hard for you to answer this question, if you are like I was, and you have never experienced self-love. I would suggest you look at ways you are loving to others. So many women I encounter have a habit of constantly outputting love and loving actions, while not receiving or allowing themselves to receive the same. If you get stuck in conceptualizing what self-love looks like for you, look at the way you love others. Which of those character traits, qualities and/or actions would you benefit from. Start to employ them in your daily habits. Start being loving with you.
Move slow. Love grows.
Like I discussed in the beginning of our conversation, I did not always love myself. It was a journey. As I furthered on my journey, my love for myself grew. Be patient. It will take time to learn what you need. It will take time for you to give it to yourself on a consistent basis. You will need to nurture yourself and your love so it will grow. Envision you are a flower rooted in a garden. If you aren’t cared for, you will not grow. You will wither away. There are still days when I must remind myself to give me what I need, and to be what I need for me. Life is a lot. Life be life’n, girl. I fall off track at times. During those moments, I give myself grace and I give me what I need. You will need to do the same. Now, let’s get into moving slow. Homegirls, please remind yourself to move slow in life. We live in a fast paced society. We live in a microwave culture. We want it and we want it now. While I understand, because I had to reprogram that mindset in myself, that isn’t aways feasible. When it comes to your self-love journey, you will not get there right away. Look at it as a life journey. Give yourself time. Enjoy watching you grow, get off track, change, evolve, slowly becoming a woman who loves herself healthily, wholly, and deeply. When you decide to get on this journey, you are deciding to ride this out for the rest of your life. Do you really want to race to your last days? I know I don’t. I am enjoying the journey. Go slow and enjoy yours too.
Affirm You. Be Nice.
Homegirls, you are going to be your own cheerleader. No more waiting around for others to come and give you that push. You will need to give yourself the encouragement, affirmations, support, uplifting needed. Therefore, it is important to define what self-love means for you. Earlier, I discussed the way I use to talk negatively to myself. I can tell you; I would not be here, if I was still talking to myself in that manner. Move slowly when speaking to yourself and about yourself. What words do you use? What are your thoughts? Start to take inventory so you can replace the negatives with more positives. When you start doing this, watch your mindset and perspective change. In turn, your life will too.
Do those places, faces and things still work for you?
As we are growing and changing on our self-love journey, some of the things we use to do will no longer feel right to us. Flow with it, homegirls. Do not resist change. Remember, from a place of no love or low love, we did things and people that were a match. This does not mean you will need to leave life as you know it behind. Some people may need to start fresh, some may not. Focus on you. Focus on how you feel. Quiet your life so you can connect with your inner guidance. Your intuition will guide you. If you believe in a higher power, your higher power will guide you. Trust the process. When you release what is a mismatch for the woman you are becoming, you will make room for what is coming up on your journey. The gifts that are waiting to be given to you. First, you will need to become the woman who is a match for what is waiting.
These are four tips you can apply. Of course, there are many more. Remember, we are taking our time. If you are locked into Heal Thy Homegirl, there’s a lot more wisdom and guidance to come on your self-love journey. In the meantime, pair the tips given with the below journal reflection prompts:
What is my “why” for my self- love journey?
Unloving habits I have are…
When it comes to spaces, faces, and things I need to leave behind, here is a list…
I deserve my love, because…
I’ll see you next Sunday, homegirls. We are back on schedule. As always, it’s healing season. And me and all my homegirls are healing.
