Where the divorce ended, my turn up began. I was a little girl. Not just any little girl, though. I was daddy’s little girl. A true daddy’s girl through and through. My father could do no wrong in my eyes. He was my knight in shining armor.

While moisturizing, doing your skincare routine (We are taking care of our skin, right?), getting dressed, grooming, prepping and even pleasing yourself, move slowly. Take the time to bring your awareness to what you are doing. For instance, when you are moisturizing your body, feel your skin. How does your skin feel? How does it look? Is there a fragrance to the lotion, cream, oil, or butter you are using? How does it smell?

Ok, so you want a new life. You get the call—a pull to go in a new direction. It looks different than the path you are used to traversing. You are afraid. You are used to the faces, spaces, and places you’ve made ties with during your lifetime. You don’t know what awaits you on this new path. You know you want better, different, new, more, a change; however, you are stuck.

The month was January. The year was 2019. I walked into my then therapist’s office, determined to figure out why there were so many highs and lows in my current romantic relationship. I had spoken to my then boyfriend about the need for us to go to therapy, or else, we would not be able to survive our relationship. (Feeling the need to survive within a relationship is a key indicator that there is an unhealthy emotional connection, sis.)

It’s time for you to step your cookies up and your girl is here to help you do just that. When I speak about your cookies, I’m referring to your standards. It’s time to raise your standards, so you can continue to rise in life. Without any further ado, yall already know how it goes, let’s get into it.

One of the many self acceptance issues I have dealt with is body image. I have struggled with body dyysmorphia, eating disorders, intense and at times unhealthy weight loss measures, extreme negative self talk and looking in the mirror only to pick myself apart and beat me down. Homegirl, it was not until I went on my journey of healing aka minding my business, that I realized how detrimental my self resistance was. It was bad. It led me to binge eating, overeating, undereating and starving myself. Anything to get to a place where I would accept my body. Chile, the gag is, in order to accept my body, I needed to stop resisting my body. Whoooo, that’s a word!

Prior to starting my healing journey, I had no clue what my feminine essence was. The women before me did not talk about it. And they did not show me with the way they lived their lives. As a child, I knew I was a girl. As I grew into adulthood, I knew I was a woman. So, what was this feminine essence talk I was hearing about?

Identify your tribe- Sis, everybody is not for you and that’s okay. Every time I see that someone has unsubscribed from my email list, I feel good. I need women who want to be a part of HTH’s community. Anyone else is taking up space. Please apply this school of thinking to your life. It doesn’t have to be a flaw on your end, or you not being worthy or wanted. It could just be, they aren’t your tribe. (Unless you know you’re out here causing chaos. If so, it’s healing season, sis). An important part in finding your tribe, is finding you. As a woman who has done a lot of maturing, I know for a fact, “birds of a

I remember being in my teens and early twenties, hearing women who were older discuss losing friends being a normal part of life. I couldn’t fathom that. Lose my friends? My friend circle had been my friend circle forever. Well, as a 39-year-old woman, my perspective on that has changed. We may outgrow friendships. Outgrowing friendships does not have to be a negative or bad thing. It’s a part of life. I’ve outgrown the woman I was before I started healing.

Now, I am in no way posturing the belief that a woman cannot receive a sense of softness from living a lifestyle as such. I am; however, going to make clear, the soft woman you will become from healing, will require more than a photo op. It will require more than your passport book or your biweekly nail and skincare appointments. It will require all of you. Prepare to be pulled up by your roots and replanted like a seed in soil.

I use to be hard as fuck, so I know a hard woman when I see one. After interacting with hard women, since becoming softer, more receptive and vulnerable, here are three boundaries I’ve had to set with myself.